I'm Not Gay, But...

I spent the entire weekend hunting for balls.
Brown ones, white ones, black ones, orange ones. I needed balls. For decorating. Our bedroom. Get your mind out of the gutter. This is a family website.
These kind:

As far as interior design goes, accent balls are in. Trust me. I know these things. Why do I know these things? Because I'm a devotee of one Nate Berkus. Who is Nate Berkus?

This guy:

Nate is the design mastermind featured on Oprah and host of her new show The Big Give. He's brilliant. Equal parts modern minimalism and artful classicism, he inspires all those who strive for a step-above the cookie-clutter-accoutrement so common in today's home decor. He believes in layering, clean lines and tasteful bric-a-brac. Like I said - brilliant.
He's also seriously homo, which is unfortunate for us not-so-queer eyes focused on breaking the stereotype associated with interior design afficianados.
So you might think it's gay for a man to be super excited when his wife hands over part of her bonus check entrusting him to re-do the bedroom from the bottom up. "Go nuts," she said. Unfortunate choice of words.
Armed with big ideas and a Mastercard, I set out to turn the bedroom into a haven for relaxation. The theme was zen. As in, first I'll go to Pier One and zen I'll go to Bed, Bath & Beyond.
Finding bargain after bargain, deal after sweet deal, I transformed our hopelessly out-of-date bedroom (palm trees and beach theme? that's so 2003) into a spa-like sanctuary of rest, meditation and self-contemplation. Of course, being ever mindful of the importance of efficient organization and Feng Shui. Nate would be proud.
A window treatement here, an ultramodern tabletop lamp there - I was a man on a mission. Cobbling together elements of bamboo, river rock, tea leaves; I mixed and matched like the professional I so long to be. Top that off with some green chartreuse accents and you've got yourself a bedroom, sister. Did someone say matching wall sconces?
Mission accomplished.
So anyway, even though I'd much rather watch Small Space, Big Style than SportsCenter, I'm a straight shooter. No debate there, even though I starred in my college musical, I shop at the Gap and love to dance. Oh, and my favorite outfit is a crushed velvet jacket over a pink button-up.
But that's not gay, that's just fashionable.
I'm not interested in coming out of the closet. Just in organizing it.