Tha Tortfeezor II

Brett Favre did it.
Jay-Z did it.
Apollo Creed did it in Rocky IV.
And so The Duke is doing it as well.
After six weeks of mulling it over, I've put away my other hobbies (sitting on couch; watching TV; eating obscene amounts of BBQ Pringles) in order to bring The Tortfeezor out of retirement.
I considered holding a press conference. I thought about making a move to Typepad or Wordpress. But in the end, I decided the best thing was to do what I do best. Remain at Blogspot and continue to share my embarrassing personal anecdotes.
I cannot deprive you all of this. What was I thinking?
But I'm not just making a comeback. That would not be enough to trumpet my return to the blogosphere.
Therefore I am hereby proclaiming myself The Best Blogger Alive.
Pretty confident words, I know. But consider this: Rappers do this all the time. Every time a new hip-hop artist emerges onto the scene, they immediately dub themselves The Best Rapper Alive. And they almost never are.
Take Lil' Wayne, the current self-proclaimed reigning Best Rapper Alive, for example. Lil' Wayne is actually one of The Worst Rappers Alive. I know this because I foolishly purchased his most recent CD and watched his cringe-worthy performance on SNL last Saturday night. It is not rap, it is a tuneless mess of drug-marred jumble. If Biz Markie and ODB adopted a little retarded child and left it alone in a recording studio with a vocoder, a joint and a cheap drum machine, Lil' Wayne's music would be the result. Which, come to think of it, on paper actually sounds great, but in reality, it is not. Too bad.
But I am a rapper at heart. And by rapper at heart I mean awkward white guy who disguises his shortcomings with outrageous braggadocio. I.E. Best Blogger Alive.
So even if its not true, which it isn't, I'm still going to wear that mantle until someone calls me on it. And since no one really reads this blog other than my mother-in-law, I can continue hiding in my little corner of cyberspace, calling myself whatever I want.
Welcome back to The Tortfizzle, my bizzles.