Hey Kool-Aid!

Once again, I shamefully have to admit that I voted.

But only because Krispy Kreme was giving away free donuts to anyone with an 'I Voted' sticker. Personally, I think that voting should only be offered to folks with an 'I Ate A Krispy Kreme Donut' sticker, but whatever.

The experience itself was miserable. After an excruciatingly long wait (three minutes), I was forced into a polling booth armed with a touch screen stylus that very nearly gave me writer's cramp. I was presented with a list of names I did not know with party affiliations I did not like. They would not let me wear my iPod while voting. Intolerable.

Let me make one thing clear: Based upon my observations this morning, I am the one person on the face of Planet Earth who is neither disappointed nor joyful at the outcome of the election.

I am passionately and enthusiastically indifferent.

I will confess that my candidate of choice did not prevail. I also know in the minds of my peers that my political preference implicitly labels me a racisit bigot (I'm not) - someone who is stuck in the past and therefore vehemently opposed to any kind of progressive change (by progressive change, of course, I mean willy-nilly government spending and regulation). And therefore I must also hate Oprah Winfrey (I do hate Oprah Winfrey).

My point is this - when it comes down to it, these days, admitting you voted for someone not named Obama has the same cultural stigma as being a registered sex offender.

So I guess I am disappointed this morning. Not that the guy I voted for lost, because I couldn't care less about him. I didn't vote for John McCain, but against the pied piper's followers. I'm a little let down that our society has sold out to someone who has absolutely nothing going for him other than an eloquent speaking presence. Even his catchphrase gives away the fact that he's a Yes Man.

But the bigger issue is that I dread going to work these days. Not because I dislike work. Everyone hates work. No, I dread going in to the office because my co-workers will strut around gloating all day, reveling in their novel principals and revolutionary choice. They love to spout off clips and buzzwords from Internet articles and act like they know what they're talking about. But they think they're so regal and forward-thinking. They're so mezmorized by Obama and his even-keeled style and speechifying. They talk about his ability to unify the nation, but in their minds, anyone who may be hesitant about him is a right-wing extremist whose dogmatic philosophies will never reconcile with hope and optimism and change and blah, blah, blah.

Sheep.

But I hope I'm wrong. I hope that his seemingly shallow promises and empty high-minded rhetoric turn out to be solid plans for conscientious change. I hope he doesn't pull the rug out from under our troops. I hope that he coordinates a responsible implementation of his health care plan. I hope he's proactive in regard to the environment and natural resources without compromising our economy. If my taxes are raised, I hope their allocated appropriately.

But we'll see.

I mean, surely 56 million Oprah fans can't be wrong. Right?