I've Discovered Craigslist. My House Will Soon Be Empty

Do you know about Craigslist? If you don't, you are woefully lost. I was like you until last week. But now I am found. Because it was last week that I discovered Craigslist.
For those who are still stumbling around in the darkness, Craigslist is like an online garage sale. You post listings of all the junk you want to sell and, through some glorious Internet magic, emails start to pop into your inbox asking about your used Foreman grill. It's amazing.
I woke up this morning and checked my account. Some Asian woman wants my dishwasher. I don't know her, but she digs my Kenmore Ultra Wash. Some fella named Neil likes it too. Willing to pay asking price, even. Score.*
Craigslist almost makes a dude wanna become a used widget entrepeneur. If there's anything I have in spades, it's used widgets. Matchbox cars, baseball cards, underwear - I have tons of used junk to sell. And until now, I haven't found a willing buyer. So yes, furbylover4evah3000@craigslist.com, you can have my popcorn popper.
And now it is time to say goodbye to my wife, my dog and my vintage action figures. They will all be sold. I will keep my turtle Mr. Jenkins, however, because he is an indespensible lifelong companion.
These are tough economic times. One cannot afford to have useless stuff just lying around. I don't know why I kept all that Dukes of Hazzard memorabilia, but I did and it fills up several boxes (I am NOT making this up).
Nor can one turn to a site like Ebay where bidding wars force prices up, up, up. No, these tough times call for cheap wares. From an online consignment shop.
President Obama has pledged to shore up the economy with a far-reaching stimulus package. Chances are, because I don't have seven children, didn't make bad fiscal choices and I don't live way beyond my means via credit cards, it will never actually reach me, per se.
However, if your house is in foreclosure, there's more money to be found in your couch cushions than in your 401(k), and Uncle Sam has his hands deep in your pockets, you can rest easy that there is a website out there where you can sell your antique glass harmonica.
So thank you Craig.
For your generosity. And for your eponymous list.
You sir, are a true American hero.


*UPDATE: Neil got the dishwasher.